Advice from the World's Longest Married Couple

Now this is an example of a couple who meant their vows! A lifetime together! Watch :-) for the secrets to a good marriage, as Wilbur says, "It's give and take, and compromise."

More Loving For Life, but Can't Stay Married.....re:J.LO's take on Split from Marc Anthony

Once again, an excuse takes the place of commitment and hard work. As Jennifer Lopez has said that she and her ex will always love each other and be in each other's lives, even sharing parenting of their two children, but they are not to stay married.

Why does "Til Death Do Us Part" not mean what it is said to mean? Is it too hard? Are people just too impatient? Or, do people just not realize that "feelings" are NOT what marriage is all about?

Feelings are great, when they are loving and "in love" feelings, but it seems that when feelings that aren't "positive" crop up, people are ready to bail. Isn't marriage worth the commitment to stick with your spouse "for better or worse?"

We believe marriage is worth fighting for.....www.marriageguyandgal.com .





                 

Seal and Heidi Klum SPLIT

I just watched the video clip of Seal talking with Ellen on her talk show. The man appears to be beautiful in many ways....he repeatedly states his love for the woman he married, the blessings of their four kids, and their determination to be "civil." He began by stating that their split is shocking to both of them, and that he doesn't mind admitting that they are grieving.

While I don't know Heidi's point-of-view, I have read an article about the greatness of her love for Seal within the past year.

Both of these media portrayals, if accurate, show that there are two people who have the potential to resolve their issues, as they have mutual love and respect for each other and were not wanting to end their marriage.

When the couple can be "civil," and plan to love each other and stay connected, even after splitting from their marriage, I need to question why they are splitting at all. Could it be that the changes they hoped to implement did not happen fast enough for them? Could it be that they believed the lie that if you aren't "happy" in your marriage that you should not stay together?  Seal stated the gravity of the words, "Til death do us part." This would likely mean that he has also heard the commitment words of "for better for worse," right?! The stuff they were going through (and I'm sure it was significant, as there are hard times in all marriages) is not supposed to be the focus. Rather that love that he mentioned, that commitment at the wedding ceremony, the vows, the covenant relationship that they each willingly, knowingly, and wantingly entered into together, those things mean nothing if they are not honored....until death do you part.

Anything less than death do you part when you both are able to be civil and shocked by your decision is a cop out. This is not to be harsh, but these are the times about which your vows were talking. This situation is merely a wake-up call to the severity of the need for healing and change, but the change should not be a "throwing in the towel" change because happiness did not come quickly enough. Marriages are built day by day, and problems, if not addressed day by day, can become overwheming and eventually take a couple by surprise....then couples are further surprised when they cannot "fix it" in a few weeks, six months, or a year and a half of trying. Whatever the time frame, the commitment is to remain the same...til death do you part....this does not mean that you will enjoy every minute of it.....marriage can be completely hard to navigate sometimes, but the commitment is what is there when the feelings aren't.

So, for Seal to say that he still "loves" Heidi and that they were both shocked, is actually very encouraging. It could be a great place for them to be! If they wouldn't split-up, and they would fight for their marriage, simply because they committed to do so, even if the feelings aren't there right now (and in this case, it appears they still are!), they would likely find that they will be miserable for a while, but over time, as they seek help and incorporate healthier skills and take positive actions, over and over, day after day, they will likely turn the ship around, and someday, they might just smile on the otherside, be passionately feeling "in love" again, and be greatful that they persevered, learned so much, and overcame.

Marriage Gal sees the lessons to be learned from this sad marital break-up:

1) Don't give up when you don't see how things will turn around. This is what your vows and commitment were all about.

2) If you can love each other and be civil, as Seal said, then your situation isn't nearly as dire as you believe it to be.

3) Marriage problems do not occur overnight (in most cases). Get and use the skills you need to head off the future "shock" of wondering where things had deteriorated. They deteriorated in the every day, day after day, moment by moment lack of diligence in addressing the ant hills until they became mountain-like in proportion.

4) The great news is this: By keeping your commitment to marriage to each other unto death do you part, and by working the skills and weaving them into your relationship, your relationship is likely to gain in health, strength, and joy, and the "feelings of love," over time. Day by day, great marriages are formed.....you CAN undo the damage......it just may take more time if the deterioration happened over years....but it can be conquered, and you can be successful!

The above summary is something that I find so sad and yet so encouraging....

So sad because I believe Seal and Heidi are throwing in the towel when their marriage can be saved, and encouraging because if couples can learn from Seal and Heidi and do the opposite in their own marriage, and stay together when they wake up and realize with "shock" the distance between them, that wake-up call can be seen as a light on the issues to show what needs fixing and can be a beginning of changes for better marital closeness to come!

If YOU want to avoid the "shock" of finding your marriage separating, or you want to keep your marriage together, visit www.marriageguyandgal.com . We can help you gain the skills to make your marriage thrive!

5 Reasons Forgiving Is Good for YOU

If you are a Christian, you probably already know the importance of Jesus dying on the cross and raising from the dead as the only perfect sacrifice for the forgiveness of our sin. *If you are not familiar with Christian doctrine, please see the * below for more information.  However, in imperfect human relationships  many people think that forgiveness is only good for the one receiving the forgiveness.  This is missing an important piece of the equation.  Forgiveness is also a gift to YOU:

When you forgive someone (or yourself):

1) You open up your heart to release bitterness.

2) You can move on.

3) You are not mentally or emotionally tied into spending your energy focusing on the person who hurt you.

4) You are taking action in line with God's desire for you and others....to be released from further pains caused by sin.

5) You can be sure that the next time you need someone's forgiveness, you are not being hypocritical.

God designed forgiveness for our own benefit as well as that of others.   

What are you holding onto that is producing the fruits of bitterness, anger, revenge, hatred, and mental and emotional anguish in you?

May you offer that person, that situation, that comment, that action, that WHATEVER, to God to find your own sense of peace and release from personal bondage to past baggage



 * The importance of Jesus dying on the cross and raising from the dead is the only perfect sacrifice for the forgiveness of our sins.and atonement for the forgiveness of our sins.....in other words, His sacrifice enables each of us to gain HIS forgiveness and sin covering so that when a person will confess with his or her mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in his/her heart hat God raised Jesus from the dead, we can each be saved. If you aren't sure you are forgiven by Christ, confess your sins to Him and ask Him to cleanse you from them, invite Him into your life, and live for Him.....you will never be the same!  Contact me at: marriagegalmichelle@gmail.com  if you would like help in understanding this further or for us to pray for you; we would be honored to do so. .

Everyday Choices Matter

Great marriages are a lot of good, hard work. 

This is not because love isn't powerful enough to overcome bad odds, but because Love IS WORTH the effort!

Diligent care in the everyday matters and personal choices that we live out will ultimately make the difference between success and failure in a marriage. 

The good news: each seemingly insignificant day of new, healthy choices and actions can turn into a very significant turn-around for your marriage.....your marriage can go from mediocrity or headed to divorce to the most wonderful intimacy you have ever known with another person......all by the choices that you and your husband or wife make each day as to how you will treat each other.

So many people "keep a record of the wrongs" that their spouse has done to them.  The Bible says that that is not what LOVE does.  1 Corinthians 13, aka..."The Love Chapter," says that "Love keeps no record of wrongs."   

This doesn't mean that we are to just forgive and forget.  Forgiving is necessary, but "forgetting" is not really helpful to a marriage if the matter at hand has not been resolved between the husband and wife.  When appropriate skills are not employed and appropriate actions/repentance are not a part of the equation, it is often just a matter of time before the same "root" issue is displayed again in the marriage.  Pulling out the roots of the bad things growing in your marriage bed, (no pun intended....I was seriously thinking gardening-type flower bed!) must take place before the choice to "forget" is the most beneficial for each spouse and the marriage.

Click HERE for help on how to work this concept into Your Marriage...we offer a free virtual coaching session.

 

Becoming The Right Person for Marriage

Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly.  It is the beginning of a new family, but many people never stop to consider that fact.  Marriage "snippets" like a 72 day long commitment, or lack there of, as in the Kardashian marriage have become so common that the true essence of life-long commitment gets lost in the process.  However, part of the issue is as much about becoming the type of person that can sustain marriage, whether the going gets rough or not, than only in finding "Mr. or Miss Right."  The type of marriage that grows strong and lasts is the type that has both individuals fully committed due to an inherent character trait that has been developed over time.  You do not have to be perfectly polished to be married, or there would be no marriages, but you do have to have the basics in line....what type of person do you want to be?  What type of person you must be, to be a great husband or wife that commits for life-long love, AND what type of person your potential spouse must be, depends much on the internal character traits you both possess as you venture to start a "new family unit."
Along with this, you might want to check out the following from match.com.  It goes into more about becoming the you that you can be while you wait for your perfect catch.

http://www.match.com/cp.aspx?cpp=/cppp/magazine/article.html&articleid=12511&ER=sessiontimeout