Over the years, I have become very attuned to my husband's heart. When we first got married, I had the mindset that women were the emotional ones and that men simply "sucked it up." While men and women do process thoughts and feelings differently from each other, I slowly found that men are also emotionally affected by the ebbs and flows of life situations, but they may process it more internally than women who tend to "talk things out." As I grew in my understanding of my man (and I will likely never be perfect as a wife but will give it my best shot to get as close to what God wants me to be for him), I began to recognize that I could choose to bless him, strive to encourage him, and work to ensure that his heart can trust in me.
If you have the same heart, one that longs to be a good wife to your beloved man, maybe the following will help you on your journey, as it has helped me in mine.
Warning: This may go against what you have learned or been told ;-).
"Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life" (Proverbs 31:11, New Living Translation, 2007)
We were told a long time ago, in the land B.C (Before Children :), some awesome advice. As a wife, I have often recalled this insight from our pre-marriage class....
When your husband makes a choice or takes a course of action out of a good heart and the results turn out poorly, remember that he didn't mean to do you harm.
As wives, it can be easy to fall into words like, "You should have ... ," or "Why didn't you ... ," and "How could you ... ?" Some wives might even resort to name calling or throwing in the proverbial kitchen sink from a slight recalled from a mess up many days or years prior.
These types of reactions are not the type of ministry that our husband needs at such times, lol! While it is certainly understandable that we all would have liked things to work out better or differently in such occasions, we wives can intentionally choose to squelch the voice of criticism, shame, and anger by recognizing that our husband did his best out of a pure heart and with good intent. This thought shift can stop those negative naggings in a heartbeat, and your husband's heart will beat lighter.
Most certainly, he is already beating himself up for a decision gone bad...he doesn't need to hear it from you.
When you can recognize that he meant you no more harm than you did when you both backed the car into a pole in a parking lot and then crashed into another vehicle on the same day (oh, wait, that was me...sheepishly continuing the post ;-), you can see that we all need a safe place to fall down and be held.
Your husband's heart trusts in you. My husbands' heart trusts in me. Let us do our best to bring blessings and honor, forgiveness and encouragement, love and respect to our men, even when our human nature wouldn't necessarily feel like it. Feelings follow actions, and our actions are our choice. Choose to embrace your man with your words and actions, and if you goof, at least You will likely have a safe place to fall down and be held, too.
